The more desperately Umno-BN strives to beg, bribe, bully and bewilder Malaysians into granting them five more years in misgovernment, the more laughable they look.

A fact that augers even worse for them than such ominous omens as the ‘RAHMAN’ prophecy, or holding the coming election in an unlucky ‘13’ year, or even - as appears as possible as it would be appropriate - on April Fool’s Day.

Because, while criminal and repressive governments can survive their subjects’ fear and loathing, as Umno-BN has for the past 50+ years, they’re powerless in the face of popular scorn and derision.

Or, as the great French writer and revolutionary thinker, Voltaire, expressed this truth, “I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.”

But we haven’t needed God’s help to make Umno-BN ridiculous, as they’ve achieved it on our behalf entirely through their own corrupt and idiotic efforts.

Not that some people can’t take credit for serving as catalysts for the regime’s self-revelation of being nothing but a bunch of bad jokes.

NONEAmbiga Sreenevasan (left) and others involved in the Bersih movement, for example, whose public rallies have provoked Umno-BN and its stooges in the Election Commission, the police and the mainstream media into making clownish claims of foreign-funded plots to topple the regime, ‘Arab Spring’ style.

One of these subversive foreign powers fueling the regime’s paranoid fantasies could well be Australia, whose Senator Nick Xenophon has inspired the regime to make itself look ridiculous twice now.

First, albeit unwittingly, by making a speech in the Australian Parliament in 2009 in which he said that “Scientology is not a religious organisation. It is a criminal organisation that hides behind its so-called religious beliefs.”

Thus inspiring the government-owned New Straits Times andUtusan Malaysia to make themselves even more of a joke than they already were, by changing ‘Scientology’ to ‘Islam’ in an attempt to smear Xenophon’s name in revenge for his attending the Bersih 3.0 rally as part of an international fact-finding mission and expressing reservations about the regime’s electoral system.

Laughing at them, not with them

This clumsy and stupid stunt made these so-called ‘newspapers’ and their puppet-masters a laughing-stock around the civilised world. But, too self-deluded to realise that we were laughing at, not with them, Umno-BN has now been emboldened to make themselves even more ridiculous by detaining and deporting Australia’s Senator Xenophon as an alleged enemy of the state.

NONEBy singling out the senator in this way, all they achieved was to make even bigger fools of themselves, of course, as the summary deportation hilariously highlighted Umno-BN hypocrisies like the citizenship-for-votes scandal raging in Sabah and elsewhere, and the regime’s failure to deport a group of Sulu Sultanate army gunmen from the Philippines who are currently occupying Kampung Tanduo in Sabah.

In the process, showing Umno-BN’s Home Minister Hishammuddin Hussein to be even more ridiculous than ever - if possible - and inspiring a group of jokers calling themselves the Young Journalists’ Club of Malaysia, to brand senator Xenophon “a trouble-maker who seeks to intervene in the country’s internal affairs, especially on the process relating to the impending 13th general election.”

But the joke was on the regime and its lying ‘journalists’, as his rejection by the Malaysian immigration - the same department, as we all recall, that enabled the erasure of murdered Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu’s arrival in the country from its records - provided senator Xenophon with a far wider audience than he would otherwise have had for his ‘trouble-making’ message.

“It seems that the (Malaysian) government is fearful of scrutiny,” he was quoted as saying in a telephone interview from the airport. “This, in my mind, confirms that they (the elections) won’t be fair.”

And on his arrival back home, he went further, reportedly tellingABC News that his deportation revealed how “dire and critical” the state of Malaysian democracy is under Umno-BN.

Dubbing his deportation as a “big mistake” that had “backfired on Putrajaya”, he decried the mere “veneer of democracy” behind the forthcoming Malaysian general election and declared that Australia has a “moral right” to press the regime for free and fair polls.

Again with the usual suspects

anwar with aussie senator pc 081210 nick xenophonNaturally, all the usual suspects attempted risible rebuttals of Xenophon’s (right) remarks. Hishammuddin came up with the laughable lie that there was “nothing special or political” about Xenophon’s case, while Malaysia’s immigration director-general Alias Ahmad reportedly told AFP that the senator had been ejected as a “prohibited immigrant” on the grounds that he had “tarnished the image of the country”.

And long-time apologist for the Umno-BN regime, foreign editor of Murdoch-owned ‘newspaper’ The Australian, Greg Sheridan, lambasted senator Xenophon for what he called his “foolish or cynically self-promoting” interference in Malaysia’s affairs.

Accusing the senator of “campaigning for just one side of Malaysian politics - the opposition”, Sheridan went on to claim that Malaysia is “one of the most democratic and free-wheeling nations in South-East Asia”, before adding that “its very openness allows people such as Xenophon to grandstand there”.

A ridiculous statement in light of the central fact of the recent deportation, and the reality that Umno-BN, along with the vast majority of ruling regimes in South-East Asia, is as much of a joke on democracy as a good many editors are on journalism.

A situation for which much credit is due to Malaysia’s former prime minister and perennial comic-in-chief, the madcap Dr Mahathir Mohamad, who is clearly devoting his declining years to making hilariously lying remarks, thus rendering himself and his regime as ridiculous as possible.

NONEAnd Mahathir’s current clown-prince, Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, appears desperate to upstage the master, even to the extent of hiring foreigners like ‘Gangnam Style’ star, Psy, to aggrandise his gangster regime, then having his minions invent death threats to Psy and blaming the opposition of video trickery to try and cover-up what a fiasco this pathetic bid for popularity turned out to be.

Then most recently, he treated Felda settlers to a free screening of propaganda movie Tanda Putera, which is a ridiculously revisionist regime version of Malaysia’s political history.

I guess he’s willing to do anything now, to divert Malaysians’ attention from the fact that Umno-BN and their accomplices have been laughing their way to the bank at public expense for so long, that the thought of voting these thieves into office yet again is utterly and completely ridiculous.  

DEAN JOHNS, after many years in Asia, currently lives with his Malaysian-born wife and daughter in Sydney, where he coaches and mentors writers and authors and practises as a writing therapist. Published books of his columns for Malaysiakini include ‘Mad about Malaysia', ‘Even Madder about Malaysia', ‘Missing Malaysia', ‘1Malaysia.con' and ‘Malaysia Mania'.

~ Malaysiakini