Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Billion Dollar Bride

Press Release – 20/12/2010 from SARAWAK REPORT

Sarawak Report has been subjected to a cyber-attack, which has knocked it temporarily off-line. This follows a number of death threats sent through our mail, which have been notable for their creepy, ‘black-magic’ format.

Disabling websites by using millions of hits is a very expensive process, even more expensive than hiring top lawyers. So this limits our list of suspects in this case to people who are both very rich and have a direct interest in shutting us up, but who would rather not face the scrutiny of an open court.

We leave it to our readers to consider who might adopt such an approach to Sarawak Report?

In solidarity with Sarawak Report, which has done so much for the people of Sarawak in the short time that it has made its mark in blogosphere, we are posting the Sarawak Report that would have been posted up but for this cyber-attack.


Billion Dollar Bride

Meanwhile, we have exclusive pictures of Sarawak Chief Minister, Taib Mahmud’s, new young bride. Kuching has been aflame with interest and amusement at the leaked information that the 74 year old has found himself a second wife who is still in her 20s.

However, the government has refused to issue official confirmation of the wedding ceremony that was celebrated at the weekend in the Chief Minister’s vast mansion (the financing of which remains a mystery, like the rest of his properties). Even senior Government Ministers are scouring the web for details of the new “Thief Lady”, who has yet even to be announced by name.

In desperation calls have been made to Sarawak Report and so we feel honoured to oblige.



Sarawak’s wealth around her neck

Sarawakians will not fail to notice that several thousand hectares of irreplaceable jungle must have been felled and turned to oil palm to adorn this lady’s neck.

One top London jeweller today gave the opinion that the rubies in her diamond tiara, necklace, ring and broach are “likely to be fake glass”. His reason was that if they were genuine cabochon rubies, like they appear to be, then they would be “priceless at such a size as that”. When pressed the jeweller hazarded that they would be worth at least RM150 million.

Since the Chief Minister has yet to release details about his bride we will leave Sarawakians to decide amongst themselves whether the Chief Minister has adorned his new wife in glass or cabochon ruby.


Christmas is a time for sharing

As they depart for their Christmas honeymoon, doubtless utilising one of the Hornbill jets funded by Sarawak’s hard-pressed taxpayers, we hope the happy couple spare a thought for the many hungry children in the longhouses who are hoping for a nice present this year.

However, times are hard because more and more land has been snatched away from these communities by the Chief Minister’s BN government, so their parents will have already told them not to expect too much.

As ever, these parents will have to remind their children that the Chief Minister’s favourite advice to the rural folks is that they “must learn to wait”. Apparently, Taib is promising that at some stage he will begin to share his wealth with the people he took it from!

10 comments:

Sarawak Boy said...

A guest at the wedding said she has big jugs. Looks like Taib likes his milk and will be having his hands full for a while :-)

Anonymous said...

The new Thief Lady..opp sorry First Lady of Sarawak.

Anonymous said...

Some people were saying that she attended the late CM's wife burial service (plentiful of eyewitnesses claiming this) and a cousin of Robert Geneid too ( Raziah's ) .

Anonymous said...

Taib likes big boobs. In Sibu By Election, you should see him staring at Sharizat's boobs. At Lim Chong Eu's wake, he make sure he is sitted next to Sharizat!

DOM!

Anonymous said...

Whatever you can say about Taib, being a cheapskate is not one of them. Remember he recently told the poor longhouse folks that he has more money than one could imagine. A showoff like him who's the only CM to ride in a Rolls Royce will not cheapen himself by using fakes. Besides, what's RM150 million to him anyway? Just loose change in the pocket!

Anonymous said...

So in that case, you rather choose flat chest than big boobs..no wonder you support Anwar coz anwar have flat chest..poor thing...poor you

Anonymous said...

wealth,new wife, still he cant get his long desired rank 'TUN'. Long live the 'satu rumpun,satu borneo'

Jong said...

Pretty bride, no doubt about it!

Eat your heart out guys, and as Papa of radiofreesarawak often repeat "dia manyak untung" - grand-daughters age? Why not when money works all the time even for that sickly 74 who looks more like a walking corpse!

I don't think she needs to wait too long, Sarawakians will bury him soon come Sarawak state election.

Anonymous said...

Old man's "tool" can still be used or not ? Maybe he had found lots of tongkat ali in the forest and has kept it for this day, ya.

The people of Sarawak need to do what is necessary, vote for change and not allow those poor in the jungles to be marginalized. Robbed blind of the NCR lands and their main water source polluted.

Awaken the spirits of the head hunters and ensure that nobody ever dares to come near to you.

Anonymous said...

Heeee....old man still can bear children kah???....get free viagra from him le....more children mean more thief in future for the land of hornbill...happy honeymoon!!!